What happens when you make a bunch of already wound up women dating the same guy cohabitate while they all sleep with (or don’t sleep with) him? Not a lot, as it turns out. Also who IS our new Bachelorette? Seriously, I don’t remember her. Spoilers ahead.
Has Madison Never Seen this Show Before?
We dropped in to this episode right where we left off in the previous one. When Madison (I refuse to call her Maddie, if she wanted to be known as that she should have established that in the beginning) almost immediately pulls Peter aside after the elimination.
In some sort of horrifying jumble of words she tries to tell Peter that it would be a problem for her if he sleeps with the other women during the Fantasy Suites…. Did she not see the show prior and know that clearly the dude is sexually active? It’s been the butt of so many jokes on the show.
The “V” Word
What proceeds to happen is the most awkward skirting of trying to say the word “virgin” I’ve ever seen on this show (well second only to the hometown episode where here entire family danced around the topic). Madison is utterly incoherent in trying to express to Peter that she’s a virgin.
Girl, if you aren’t mature enough to tell your potential husband this directly, in no way, shape, or form are you ready to get married. Period. End of story.
She also fails to communicate this info directly at this juncture, even though the editors make her seem like she thinks she has done so successfully.
G’day Gold Coast
If you play The Bachelor drinking games I hope for the sake of your liver you didn’t pick “Gold Coast” as the buzz word for the evening.
I’ve never heard a location mentioned so unnaturally so many times. Yes I get that clearly the city’s tourism board has donated this trip and so the show is trying to give them their money’s worth. Also clearly this was filmed before the devastating Australian fires or you’d think they’d have some semi altruistic bs photo op.
Stroke of Genius
I’m 99% sure that in prior seasons they haven’t had the final few have to share accommodations during Fantasy Suite week (if so they downplayed it). It was an absolutely brilliant move to have the three of them cohabitate (or at least be forced to spend extensive amounts of time together during that week).
When the three arrive and realize they’re all stuck together and won’t make eye contact with each other is TV gold.
The Only Thing Better…
The only thing that would have been better/enhanced this awkward living situation is if they’d had Madison go first. She either would have had to have faith in Peter that he understood and respected her unintelligible ultimatum.
I understand why they had her go last and unravel, but at that point she was able to make an informed decision. Where’s the fun in that?
The dates themselves were unimpressive. Most of the episode seemed to focus on Peter and Madison.
Hannah Ann was bland.
Victoria was breathy and as confusing as always (her breathiness is almost as bad as Peter’s vocal fry). Her continuous negging of him seemed to still pay off.
The meat of the episode was Peter and Madison. Peter looked almost angry when she finally spit out that she’s a virgin.
Her logic during her interviews is very confusing. She thinks she deserves to win because she stuck it out... in spite of him sleeping with the other women?
To the first point of this write up, she makes it seem like he’s a total surprise to her. Hannah Ann actually said it best when the topic of sexual activeness came up. “I knew what I was getting in to.”
Where Do We Go From Here?
We’ll have a brief break for the Women Tell All, but then back to the mess.
While I’ve tried to stay away from any of the spoiler-y info out there, it’s become apparent that Victoria is not a contender (or if she is that would be the greatest twist in the show history).
I still stand by my theory that Peter ends up with NO one, or even more unlikely but fulfilling, Hannah Brown comes back and swoops Peter off his feet?
Who is the Next Bachelorette?
A topic of conversation at my office remains: who do we want as the next Bachelorette?
There are no real strong contenders in this season (we’ve already had a southern Hannah, and a virgin recently).
Instead we were Clare Crawley, who’s only distinguishing feature is that she is a whopping 38 years old (she’ll be 39 when the season starts). That’s basically dead in Bachelor years (not in real years mind you).
At first I did not register who Clare was as she looks like every other average contestant we got. It was only after looking up her show resume that I realized I’ve seen her on not one but two series (I did not watch her original franchise appearance on Juan Pablo’s season).
The fact that I watched her on Bachelor in Paradise AND Bachelor Winter Games and have no initial recollection of her does not bode well for her season.
What could have be a great twist is to bring in a new / unknown Bachelorette. The franchise can still rely on an audience knowing the bevy of male contestants. We need new blood and we need it now.
Or ya know even better, bring in people of color, but I guess for now someone nearing “middle age” is all we can dare to dream for.
The latest interviews, reviews, and opinions on film by Dana Han-Klein. Thoughts and opinions are entirely my own and not reflective of my employer or any third parties.